Interconnectedness of Themes

I'm trying to write a book. Whew! There, I said it. I got it off my chest. I've wanted to write a book and have it get published since I was in the fourth grade when we had a published author come to our class. I asked him if I could one day become a writer and he said something to the effect of, No. It's really hard writing books and there isn't much money in it.

That was a little hard for me to take as a kid. It's a little scary for me as an adult. But I've had this story kicking around inside me in one form or another for ten or so years, I want to write a book about my family's history, and I want to write a, perhaps generous, account of my own life. That author didn't stop me, he only delayed me and made me afraid of what was inside of me.

Writing a book, actually sitting down and pumping the thing out, has been a Sisyphean task. Some days I will write, what I think is beautiful, and then I'll realize it has no place in the story. It won't advance the plot. It doesn't advance the story arc of the main characters. It's just me living out my fantasies in another world.

Which gets back to the heart of my fear: me writing this thing, am I just wasting time and money that I could be spending elsewhere? I could have learned to play the piano or paint, but I've dumped thousands of dollars into books and classes- all with relatively little to show for it. Is the journey worth the ticket price?