One feature of depression, anti-depressants, and getting older in general that I wasn't ready for was the weight gain. I weighed 170 lbs. all through high school, then I picked up ten pounds here and there. Then I got married and my average weight was 195. Then I deployed and came back feeling different. I struggled- wrestled, really- with my weight after coming back. But last year around August I started gaining with no looking back.
Now I weigh 235. Before you start commenting with diets and exercise programs for me to start following, I should explain something. I feel depressed for much of the time. A severe state of depression envelopes me and makes it so that even things like getting out of bed- that routine, it becomes a Sisyphean task. Why get out of bed? I'm still going to be fat, I'm still going to be filled with doubt, regret, GUILT, and fear of the future.
It makes following a diet hard to do. It makes exercise hard to do. It makes living hard to do. But there is some bright news: my wife supports my weight loss. I mean, she will still bake delicious brownies and make fantastic cookies-- but she does it with love. More of me to love? If only that meant more of me to love with.
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